The New FFO is up.

The new Flash Fiction Online is up, and I can proudly say that I have the Christmas story in this issue. This is the number 2 professional-rate publication for me (although it's not a speculative story). I have also been hard at work on my Historical Fiction novel--to the point of 85,000 words so far--and am not trying to concentrate on anything else until the first draft's finished.

Then I intend to do another, more serious attempt at the WotF, before it ceases to be available. I still have a collaboration to be hashed out, and my last WotF entry I ceased to send in because I liked it better for a longer story. Decisions, decisions...

I'm still doing most of the artwork for FFO, too--as well as working 9 - 10 hour days, 6 days a week. Well, I don't know how many of my readers, which are likely to be few, have actually checked out my LJ blog, but it is linked here--and I'm there more often, which isn't saying much.

Well, gotta go. This cold is doing a number on me.

I'm still Alive...

...in case anyone wondered. I've been kicking out the illustrations at FFO (all but one month), and keeping a steady pace at Hatrack, Liberty Hall and now Absolute Write. I've also been writing. Much.

My wife (while not at her full powers) was taking laundry down-cellar (a very Maine-ard expression) and tripped on a blanket that she carried. She went down, hard, and heard a few snaps from her left ankle. We rushed to the emergency room, where--contrary to what we expected--she got attention, x-rays and relieved to find out it wasn't broken (or even fractured) very quickly. The sprain, however, earned her a pair of crutches and an air-cast for a few days. She's looking somewhat better. She's not the type to be kept down, and she's trying not to baby it. It's funny: she tells me she's no p**sy, but I already knew she is a tough one.

The new issue of FFO is up, and it's an all women-authored issue. How appropriate (as one slush reader put it) because it's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Who names these months? Is there some kind of council? Hey, I'm all for saving as many breasts as possible (sort of a breast protector), but I don't think there's enough months to go around. Anyway, the stories are smooth, entertaining and (as usual) offer something for everyone. Jake must be proud, because we're coming up on our 1st anniversary, and gaining new readers all the time. By the way, if you haven't, check it out--it's free! There's a link over there------------------------->

I've Been Slacking...

...On keeping this blog updated. I suppose I've been shifting everything to my new (LiveJournal) blog. I started that because I have a few friends to link with over there, and not many on blogspot. So...to the updates:

I went to the D.E.T.S. (Down East Tattoo Show) this past weekend, and reeled in six more awards--bringing my numbers to 154--and opened the show with a rather large piece on another tattoo artist. I've become the tattoo artist's tattoo artist (a position of respect), and gladly. The last two years, I have taken a record 17 trophies, and then broke my own record with 18. This year was disappointing in that respect, and that I didn't get the damned Best of Show that I've been stalking, but i was only aiming for three--and doubled that--so it was, in the end, a victory.

My wife drank until 4:00 am on Sunday morning, and then had an epic vomitting, which lasted over half of the day. As it turns out, our oldest two had a similar morning and they didn't drink--at least, I hope they didn't...one's 8 and the other's 10, and they were left with their grandfather--our youngest had that problem Friday. My apprentice had it last night.

The April issue of Flash Fiction Online has four new illustrations, and is a more humorous issue. Jake and I proved our versatility with this issue (the word versatility has been flung all about this month's issue).

I think I got my WotF Q2 story in on time--I still haven't received the conformation email yet, though. This one is more personal than the others and the feelings run both ways. Some think it's the best yet, and the others think it's good, but not as good a story as last time. For me, it's a promise fulfilled. (Here you go, Mom. Rest in Peace.)

I've also cleaned up my last entry and intend to take my shot at the Robert A. Heinlein Centennial Contest. Since he was a master of Point of View, I thought it would be fitting.

Well that's all for now. I'll try to keep up better.

March Issue

The art for the Mach issue of Flash Fiction Online is ready--including the St. Patty's Day special. I promised mixed-medium, and that's what I delivered. We'll see what everyone thinks of it. }=^] Jake should have the issue up later today (or tonight), but there will be some suspence built-up because the St. Patty's Day special won't make its appearance until the holiday arrives. Have I got you curious?

I'm eagerly awaiting news from my other submission. Hopefully, no news is good news.

I've decided that I will use the story I promised my mother (Rest in Peace) I would write as the premise for my new WOTF entry. I've been inspired by an idea I've co-mingled with the original to create an original (or what I believe is original) story. This is a piece that I have begun a few times, but this time, I'm determined to finish, and finish well. Hopefully, my dedication will be fruitful.

Snowing here. Seems like every time it clears up, the weather gets us with another 1-2 punch. It'd be nice to see the ground, grass, and sun.

WOTF Q108 / FFO March

Well, I didn't win. After a delay, I was informed that I had joined the ranks of Honorable Mentions. Apparently, the story was teetering on being a Semi Finalist. When I hadn't heard back, I re-read my entry and found some glaring errors, of which the only excuse I have is that I rushed to get it in. I have since smoothed the glaring stuff and am debating on whether to re-enter or submit it to another market. After this much investment in the piece, I feel that it should be fruitful. Then comes the problem: classifying it. It's Fantasy with a sprinkle of Sci-Fi. Where do you send that? Hard Sci-Fi magazines will reject it because there isn't much science, and Fantasy magazines could do likewise because the setting is post-apocalyptic. Grrr. Just winning the damned contest would've solved that dilemma.

Flash Fiction Online's March lineup has already been decided. There is a holiday story that I pulled for, so I'm working something special up for that, and three others. It's growing. It seems the last couple of months have seen one more story than the last. Suprisingly, I already have a jump on the illustrations, though. I actually have a painting done. The others I have ideas for. I think, for the holiday special, I'll serve up something a little different; a mix of mediums. It never hurts to present the illustrations with the feeling of the piece's theme.

I also have a piece out under a pseudonym. With a record of one rejection, one outright rejection for WOTF (no obvious Speculative Element), and one Honorable Mention, I am charging into this year on a new level. Wish me luck. And good luck to you, too.

Getting there...

I love writing.

For all the words I weave, the heat of completion and coldness of imperfections, and the multiple tearing down and reconstructions of the process, I love it. I am an eternal student, a slave of what I shall never master. I live for my need, my passion. A poet, a dreamer, trapped by my imagination for no other reason than my love for it.

But I am learning. Not just from the study and practice, but from seeing my own flaws in the works of others and being able to identify them. From the brilliance displayed in the most flawed manuscript. The compulsion to write, to express our thoughts and dreams and fears, to dig deep into the realms governed by our fickle minds, is a wide-spread disease. Be careful, you just may catch it too. Or maybe you already have.

The bad news is: There is no cure. You've got it for life. Whether or not you press on to publication has little to do with that compulsion. Oh, there are some that say you have a choice, but they're wrong. That choice was swept away the moment you first typed The End--and the decision sealed when you started to rewrite that same story. It's like crack or heroin, only a straightjacket and a all-expenses-paid state-ordered vacation will keep you away. Oh, you can try to quit--to walk away--but that typewriter or keyboard will thump-thump...thump in the back of your mind like that infamous secret beneath the floorboards. Does anyone really walk away? Can anyone? Or is it just them prolonging (perhaps indefinitely) the perfection of their craft.

The Good news is: We're getting there. Every time we learn from a critique, or those we would deign try and teach, we're inching closer to our goal. Every time we recognize a common mistake in our prose, or the appearance of a cliche, and work it fluidly back out...we are getting there. For every rejection, brutal critique given and taken, or hard-earned bit of praise we better our skills that much more. And that is all we can hope for. Because the better we get, the harder it will be for an editor or publisher to reject us.

Keep on writing.

12 years...

Today marks twelve years married to my wife. I don't know how many times I've heard "Wow. Nowadays that's a long term commitment." I have a question to all of those who make that statement: What do you think marriage is?

There is a reason marriages don't have to renew their licenses every five years. Though there's times--and I think all married couple will agree on this--that I wish we did. But, seriously, if that were so, marriages that outlasted one renewal would be in the single-digit percentile. It took two years just to figure out the idiosyncrasies my wife and I had, and another three to learn to deal with them. When our firstborn made his appearance, there was a whole new set of idiosyncrasies and responsibilities that accompanied him. If there was a renewal system, it probably would have been when things were at their worst. Because we couldn't step out of it easily, we never really considered it. Oh, there was a time or two that either she or I were at or maximum threshold for the other's crap (I probably drove her to that threshold more often), but we stuck it out. There were times we had nothing to say to each other, or we found our interests veered in opposite directions, or we took cheap shot because of pressures that weren't shared. That, we discovered, is the heart of a relationship.

Anyone can have sex, watch television together, go out together, and skate through all of the beautiful and fun stuff--It's the hard times that truly define the relationship. Both of us believe in a few base beliefs:

1. Marriage is forever. It's not a piece of paper or a shiny ring, it's growing old with someone in spite of their flaws.
2. "Let not the sun set upon thy wrath." Though we have been at each other's throats, and felt the need for violence (which we resisted--notice I say we); we do not go to bed angry with each other. We get through with it--or listening to it--and remind ourselves why we're together with a four-kiss goodnight ritual: A) The kiss to wish God's Blessings upon the other. (No one should be without God's blessings.) B) The I Love you Kiss (Because everyday and night since I have kissed her first, this has been deeply and passionately true.) C) The Sweet Dreams Kiss. (By this point I--at least--truly wish this for her.) and D) The Goodnight Kiss. This is the one that lingers. The one that reminds me I'm going to wake up next to the perfect woman (for me).
3. We're both too damn stubborn to quit. When we first got together, I told her that if she wanted out of the relationship she would have end it--to say "uncle". I wasn't going to. Ever. I don't make promises and not keep them. I am a man of my word--until it hurts. And she keeps saying she's not going to let me out of it that easy.

Those simple rules, applied to a foundation of friendship, have truly held our marriage together. It doesn't take much, just a gaze into her beautiful blue eyes (even when they are stormy) to remember how much I love her. I try not to let a day go by without thanking her for everything she does, and I rarely tell her "no". For anything.

Early this morning, as we lay next to each other, my mind was drawn back twelve years to the night before our wedding. Those were the same eyes. That was the same smile. And I realized--not for the first time--that I wouldn't trade a single moment, from that day to this, for all the fame, women, or gold in the world.

And to my wife, Amanda: Thank you, baby, for making me the richest man on earth. I love you. Always.

Collaboration

It's times like this--after reading 150+ pages of 230--that I'm really confident that I chose well when I approached my co-author about working together on a project. Though the core was her idea, it mixed well with a passion of mine. I can really appreciate her strengths in what I have read. More than once, I coughed up a well-earned chuckle, and I'm charmed with how the relationship is developing between the main protagonists. Excellent work, Nancy--though we have to inject more Maine-isms.

I, on the other hand, have been slacking. I've been winnowing on plot-direction. I could go in so many different directions. In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if we aren't really writing a trilogy. With the limits in word-counts these days, I imagine that we'd be robbing our characters of some of their richness if we were to just adhere to the normal word count.

It really is an amazing experience. I have to say, no matter what comes of it, it's been a pleasurable journey.

More later.

Poll Results and other Babble

Well, the results of the 2007 Predators and Editors Poll are in. I came in at #6 Artist(out of over 70 artists) and Flash Fiction Online came in at #14 (out of 87) Fictionzine. For our first nominations ever, and with only one issue last year, we didn't do very bad at all. Thanks to all of those who voted for me and Flash Fiction Online, and who shoved us so far up the list. Hopefully next year--with our abilities to produce an array of different styles--we will both reign supreme. Liberty Hall's Writers Forum finished out at #8 (behind a plethora of romance sites) and Hatrack River Writers Workshop at #18 in Writers Forums. Liberty Hall came in at #2 for Writers Workshops; Hatrack River hung in at #15. All in all, we stayed in the top 20. Congratulations to Rachel Marks for her #11 spot in Artist and for her piece entitled Jade, that came in at #15 for Artwork. Other members of Hatrack or Liberty Hall: J. R. Tomlin #6, and S. T. Forstner #13 for Speculative Fiction Short Story; R. F. Long #9 for Short Story. Congratulations to all.

My collaboration effort is trudging right along. While I took the time to rework and polish my recent WOTF entry, Nancy was using NaNoWriMo to knock out 50,000 words. I've only bashed out one-tenth of that! However, it's coming along now. I have yet to read her 50k words, but she has sent them to me. I'm waiting until I establish a definite plot. She's writing the present story and I'm writing the historical one. I'm just starting to get into the antagonist's head, and it's fun. Then, when all is done on my part, Nancy and I shall have the task of choosing where to weave the past into the future's tale and cleaning up everything left over after we fit them together.

Also, if anyone is really out there and interested in writing (and not getting them already) David Farland has an email called the "Daily Kick in the Pants" that he sends out once a day to anyone interested--for free. This is an excellent source of information, instruction, inspiration, and hope for any aspiring writer. Send him an email (at dwolvert@xmission.com ) and write only "Kick me" in the subject line and body, and you will start receiving them, too.

Well, I'm off again until next time...

Predators And Editors Poll

I've been nominated--as an artist--for the annual Predators&Editors Poll. Flash Fiction Online (the ezine I illustrate) has been nominated for fictionzine, too. Anyone with a valid email (for vote confirmation) may vote. I've added a link--which I'll remove after the 15th, the end of voting. Some of my comrades at Liberty Hall have also been nominated. Some for their prose, at least one other for her art: Rachel A. Marks. Good luck to all the nominees; they are already winners--someone liked them enough to nominate them.

No word of my recent WOTF entry, yet. It's making me a little nervous--I haven't even had a confirmation of receiving of the entry. On the bright side, I guess it also means it hasn't been rejected. Good Luck to Chris Owens, too--he has been a semi-finalist and quarter finalist--if there's any justice, he'll succeed.

WOTF Q108

Well, The Third Rule had undergone some changes. Of these Changes the smallest is the name. The plot has been restructured, the antagonist has been given some depth, and even the minor character has grown. Though it perilously close to "Time" to send, If the critiques I'm waiting on on come back with only small problems, it'll fly.

The Downside is that I've caught some kind of virus and it's MAKING ME MISERABLE. You know the kind--everybody does: My glads want to fight over everything I swallow, and the drinks my body hunkers for hurt my ears, and I'm experiencing the add ache and pain. I can't stand not being able to come to work--hate it even worse that illness is holding me back. It gets me whiny; I don't like bed rest...At All!

Those faithful few who visit this blog, say a prayer for me: that I'll get better, that the story is almost ready, and that I'll be able to polish it up in time to send it in.

Live 12/01/07

Just a quick update to say Flash Fiction Online (http://flashfictiononline.com) is live tomorrow. A forum, three short-short fictions (illustrated by yours truly), a writing contest, tips for writers, links to other short fiction sites, workshops, Oliver House's cutting blog, and soon a staff blog will all be available...for free!

See you there.

Flash Fiction Online

Flash Fiction Online is very close to being up and running. Jake just needs to clean a few details up and presto, we're a force to contend with. Bruce Holland Rogers will be the first professional flash featured, Suzanne Vincent will share the table of contents as the semi-pro, and the classic story--the Flash From The Past--will be H. P. Lovecraft. What an inagural line-up, eh? I just finished the second of three illustrations for the flash stories (Suzanne Vincent's I Speak the Master's Will), and am going to be pushing it to get the third one in. But, as everyone knows, I'm not one to let the job go unfinished. Unless it's a personal painting, LOL, then it can go up to a year without being signed. I think everyone involved is excited--I know I am--and the buzz has been injected into Liberty Hall, too.

FFO is sponsoring Mike's Liberty Hall Year End Contest (which is usually for a prize), with the possibility of publication. It's looking to have the making of some stiff competition. I think that, were it left to the slush readers, it would be a difficult choice. I'm glad (as one of said readers) that the contest will produce a winner first.

Mike has also put a new face on Liberty Hall, along with an online store.

There is a forum on FFO, that Jake got up and running today. Though there are still a couple of bugs to work out, it's pretty cool. I have no doubt that it will be a virtual beehive of activity, once things kick off (the tentative date is Dec 1). So, come Saturday, look for it at http://flashfictiononline.com . And enjoy.

All writers will benefit from a visit.

Exclusivity

Just a quick update, since I have once again been remiss:

I am the exclusive artist (bearing the title "Art Director") for Flash Fiction Online. Eventually, I'd like to be an accredited author also, but the widening of my art credentials is a small ego boost. I need all of those I can get.

Meanwhile, the collaboration has picked back up. The both of us have had other projects, but now--on my end, at least--that's clearing up. My own work-in-progress (the expanded Pantroth story) is on hold. I have had a burst of ideas, but, I'm allowing them to coalesce during the first draft of my share of the collaboration.

I'm letting The Third Rule cool off. When I hit that again, I want to go in fresh--and with no predispositions. I've had a lot of valuable feedback, and have to step away before applying it (or figuring out how to apply it). I still believe in the story, though, now I'm intending to look at it as more of a detailed outline. Hey those are the breaks.

As for Magnum Opus, I'm going to give that an overhaul, too. I think I'm going to focus on some fantasy elements and then send it out to RoF. Wish me luck.

Rejected

Like the title says, Magnum Opus got the standard email rejection from WOTF. I wasn't surprised--it had no monsters or magic. I'm debating either putting those elements into it (they're in that world), or combining it with another story to create a larger tale--one that is undeniably speculative. I wanted to make a couple of minor changes anyway.

As for The Third Rule, I just got a critique back that knocks the legs from under it. He (the critiquer) did me a favor by being thorough. As always, the first taste of the critique is as bitter as baking chocolate--you know it will flavor the finished product intensely, and you can't wait to get into it, but it's not to be devoured raw. I'm dealing with the fact that I have to rewrite most of it around a more thought-out ending. My critquer asked valid questions that I have to consider the answers to before the rewrite. It's good because I'm learning something new.

My collaboration is suffering for it, though. I think my co-author and I have bitten off more than we had thought we did. I think we just jumped at the first idea proposed, with no more thought to it than that. And now, it's catching up with us.

To think: I used to write just because I loved to imagine different stories. Now I write because I'm not going to let it beat me. I guess sometimes I can just be a stubborn @$$.

On a positive note, I illustrated an H. P. Lovecraft piece--What the Moon Brings--for Flash Fiction Online. It's colored pencils, but not too bad for an hour-or-two sketch. (And that was broken up into two nights and three locations.) Now, I'm just waiting for conformation on the other two stories I'm going to do the illustrations for.

The Third Rule

After a week of floundering and inspiration, I've finished a new short story entitled The Third Rule. I break away from the norm here in two ways: I don't normally write in 1st person, and I don't usually focus on characters so young. At first, it was easy to slip into the early-teen character, but it was difficult to have the P.O.V. character not be the protagonist. And then, I had a sudden burst of inspiration. I don't know where it came from, but I knew it needed a early-teen girl to make my P.O.V. character miserable. So I asked my daughter what her favorite girls' name was, and created some tension.

That did it. The story became about the interaction between the boy and the girl. Simple, right? Well, not quite. But, I think this is some of my best work to date.

It all started at Hatrack. I was babbling in a thread called "Your Favorite Apocalypse" when I coined the phrase Apocalyptic Taco Mix. Another Hatracker-and-LHer, Deb, was inspired to write a short called Meatloaf of the Apocalypse. Another with dual-membership, KayTi, said it would make an interesting trigger for a writing challenge. Hatrack Writers Forum Administrator, Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (AKA: KDW and SWMBO, which is She Who Must Be Obeyed), asked me to make it an official challenge. Since we hadn't had a rewrite challenge in a while, I acquiesced. Initially, two other Hatrackers accepted the challenge--neither of them was KayTi. So, I posted the fact that we had a challenge on the discussion board and Wallah!, we had eleven more challengers.

While this was going on--or just slightly before--I joined a Writers of the Future group. Amazingly, no one else from that group (also at Hatrack) was in the Apocalyptic Taco Mix challenge. I realized, about the time I was fully consumed in Jackie-boy's P.O.V., that I wouldn't have time to come up with another story by the agreed upon due-date. Since my WOTF goal was 5-7000 words, my Apocalyptic Taco Mix challenge would fit nicely. When things work out like they are meant to be, it's awesome! Hopefully, I'll have 9 or 10 critiques before the WOTF group submission. If that's the case, I should have enough info to clean it up enough to have a second edit. Then I'll be way ahead of the game for the December deadline.

Right now my wife (God bless my harshest critic) has it. As soon as she digs into it, I really know I'll have some work to do.

A Little Bit of Everything

So, the kids didn't have school this morning--they're off Monday, too--and, as usual, that automatically makes the morning hectic. My daughter was the first one up. It's funny: when she dresses for the day, she almost always chooses something filthy first. She picked a baby-blue pair of gym pants and a once-was-white T-shirt. It looked as if she had slid into all four bases, and then did it again the other way to make it even. So, I point it out. She says "So?" Then the oldest boy gets up, at his parents' beck and scream, and fumbled around for twenty minutes finding pants and taking his morning whizz. My wife's going around like a shark that just knows it scented blood, trying to find the cubscouts manual--which I asked her a question about. (Foolish me, I should know better when her powers are not yet at full capacity.) Then I pry the oldest off of his @$$ and make him go outside and play catch with me for an hour. Now my shoulder's feeling it. I played catch with my wife the day before and she has an arm on her! Now, the daughter's gone off to Mass. for the weekend (Yayyy!), the little one's having a typical day (either screaming his head-off or laughing hysterically), and the oldest is back on his butt, watching Mythbusters. The wife's approaching maximum strength (and she's found the bloody handbook), probably playing Runescape.

I have sent a more characterized first chapter/prologue off to my collaborator, Nancy Greene (She says I can use her name), though I'm waiting to hear back. And she has yet to send me her first chapter. (Think I'm nudging her with the guilt-stick?)

I've got a challenge up at Hatrack: the "Apocalyptic Taco Mix" short-story-challenge, that I'm writing a story for. Rules are simple: come up with a story--inspired by said phrase--that has a word count between 500 and 7000 words. 14 of us are going at it. I only have about 700 words at the moment, but I've had an idea brewing. I might even polish it for my WOTF 1st-quarter entry. It has an interesting flavor.

Artistically, I've been working on a painting of a pheonix for the last couple of days. I think it's almost done. Of course, I could show my wife--maybe get another "What is it?"--before I claim I'm done. I always love that. As usual, it's been a love-hate process, and I'm not sure where I stand, yet. It's not signed yet, so it's not done.

Collaboration

Well, I have begun a collaboration with a fellow Hatracker. I will leave her unnamed, in case she doesn't want to admit it. For the better part of a week, we've been trading emails., plotting, defining the necessary boundaries, choosing names--generally whittling the details down to a clear image.

So far, so good.

I have managed a little over 2,500 words, so far. I've found myself delving into the research, and including a fair amount of it as the world-building portion of the story so far. I will probably end up going back into it and pouring more character into the mold. It's tentative because my cohort hasn't yet seen it. What started off as a prologue, though, is truly beginning to feel like the makings of an historic parallel to the original story. Maybe it's just me... Sometimes that happens.

In other news, there is a Hatrack conspiracy to create a flash fiction e-zine, led by Jake Freivald. Another collaborative effort, though it consists mainly of a group of aspiring writers. There are plans in the making, and hopefully the result will showcase the best new and established talents in speculative fiction. Hopefully the Hatrackers and Liberty Hall Members will unite to create an explosive e-zine that will spread short-short-fiction support to new corners of the world-wide-web.

Message Board Madness

One thing I can't stand about message boards is you cannot address someone's comments in real-time. Sometimes, it really boils my groin! I'm never a bully. Never. Though I am strongly opinionated, I am never deliberately condescending to -- or intentionally excluding of -- anyone. When I am critiquing something, I do it honestly. I make no effort to sugar-coat it because sugar-coating is lying. I find it hard to pretend, given the time I have. Most of the time, I try to mention what I like, as well as what I find wrong.

When I am critiqued, I never argue about anyone's opinion. If I think they a wrong about something, I say what and explain why. If I don't, they won't benefit from it. Likewise, if I'm wrong about something, I will admit it. Lord knows I've been wrong enough times. But, it's useless to argue. Right or wrong, neither you nor I can change anyone's first impression.

If the punctuation is wrong; if details are left out because you know what your characters are doing and where; if a typo really spells another word...then a reader has every right to misinterpret what you're saying.

How can they not? Every writer fumbles, from the award-winning/bestseller/Pulitzer Prize winner to the Kindergartner. That's what it means to be human and why they put erasers on pencils. But, to expect everyone one to say, "Well, I know what you meant..." or "Huh?" and just continue to read on -- and compliment your prose to boot -- well that's not only unrealistic, it's conceited. Hell, some people just aren't going to be your audience.

Now, I've had my exchanges. Good or bad, I hold no grudges. And I believe I can hold my own. (You can't tell me what I believe}=p) But, I've learned something from every encounter, and would even venture to say I've made a few friends along the way. A few posts ago, I expressed feeling like I wanted to drop out of these workshops completely, but a few friends (or co-posters if they'd prefer not associating too closely with me }=}) have asked me not to quit. And I thought no one reads this thing! So, I have decided not to.

Perhaps people like me are needed to cut through the thickly glazed turds that goody-two-shoe sycophants regularly cough up! Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to be mean, but I'm going to keep-on-keeping-on. @$$holes like me are what keep the integrity in the critique.

The Purple Nightmare

I've really got to start keeping this updated.

Started my day off with everyone rushing around like bumper cars. It's lucky that one of the little ones weren't crushed underfoot. (Sigh. All we can do is try.) Fortunately the abominable doofus was already out. I can imagine the pile-up that would have occurred in his wake! Anyway, the reason for all the chaos was a friend's wedding (one of the wife's best friends) was this morning. It was like the culmination of a dark prophecy.

Just the beginning of this week is when the wedding party decided to deliver the dress pattern. So, my wife (recall she's irritable in the daylight) has to make this dress -- be mom to three (9&1/2, 7, and a special-needs 4 year old) children, deal with the abominable doofus, care for her aging father (almost another child sometimes), prepare for a Boy Scouts shin-dig (of which she's the area leader), not to mention deal with me -- in less than a week. (Amazing, ain't she?) Kind of sounds like the biblical signs of apocalypse, right? The similarities are remarkable.

• Snag no. 1: The pattern is not the right size. No big deal. She makes a run to Wal Mart and remedies that.
• Snag no. 2: I had an emergency room visit (false alarm), but it kept us out until 4:00 am!
• Snag no. 3: She sees what it actually looks like! It looks like a big, shiny, purple, v-necked, BIB. It was like seeing her try on a shiny pillow case. No matter how she turned, tapered, pinched, shuffled, or belted it didn't change.

Now, my wife is a real trooper. As much as she hated the Purple Nightmare; as much as she knew it made her look like a pretty sack of potatoes; as much as every grain of her being wanted to set the offending object afire, she kept at it. She repaired an iron-burn (which I'm not entirely sure was an accident), bought the proper support for a strapless smock, and wore it to the wedding. When I saw the tears well up last night, I knew the size of the sacrifice that she was making, and admired her so much more for it. She not only kept a straight face (which I barely could), she pretended it was the most beautiful dress she'd ever had the privilege to touch. Smooth, baby.

Of course, when she had to leave to bring me to work, she did the quickest change I've seen her pull-off in a while. The slip gave her a little trouble though. As I write this, I wonder -- now that her powers are at full capacity -- if she is dancing around a shiny purple fire.

So, hats off to Missus Babbler, she kicks @$$!