12 years...

Today marks twelve years married to my wife. I don't know how many times I've heard "Wow. Nowadays that's a long term commitment." I have a question to all of those who make that statement: What do you think marriage is?

There is a reason marriages don't have to renew their licenses every five years. Though there's times--and I think all married couple will agree on this--that I wish we did. But, seriously, if that were so, marriages that outlasted one renewal would be in the single-digit percentile. It took two years just to figure out the idiosyncrasies my wife and I had, and another three to learn to deal with them. When our firstborn made his appearance, there was a whole new set of idiosyncrasies and responsibilities that accompanied him. If there was a renewal system, it probably would have been when things were at their worst. Because we couldn't step out of it easily, we never really considered it. Oh, there was a time or two that either she or I were at or maximum threshold for the other's crap (I probably drove her to that threshold more often), but we stuck it out. There were times we had nothing to say to each other, or we found our interests veered in opposite directions, or we took cheap shot because of pressures that weren't shared. That, we discovered, is the heart of a relationship.

Anyone can have sex, watch television together, go out together, and skate through all of the beautiful and fun stuff--It's the hard times that truly define the relationship. Both of us believe in a few base beliefs:

1. Marriage is forever. It's not a piece of paper or a shiny ring, it's growing old with someone in spite of their flaws.
2. "Let not the sun set upon thy wrath." Though we have been at each other's throats, and felt the need for violence (which we resisted--notice I say we); we do not go to bed angry with each other. We get through with it--or listening to it--and remind ourselves why we're together with a four-kiss goodnight ritual: A) The kiss to wish God's Blessings upon the other. (No one should be without God's blessings.) B) The I Love you Kiss (Because everyday and night since I have kissed her first, this has been deeply and passionately true.) C) The Sweet Dreams Kiss. (By this point I--at least--truly wish this for her.) and D) The Goodnight Kiss. This is the one that lingers. The one that reminds me I'm going to wake up next to the perfect woman (for me).
3. We're both too damn stubborn to quit. When we first got together, I told her that if she wanted out of the relationship she would have end it--to say "uncle". I wasn't going to. Ever. I don't make promises and not keep them. I am a man of my word--until it hurts. And she keeps saying she's not going to let me out of it that easy.

Those simple rules, applied to a foundation of friendship, have truly held our marriage together. It doesn't take much, just a gaze into her beautiful blue eyes (even when they are stormy) to remember how much I love her. I try not to let a day go by without thanking her for everything she does, and I rarely tell her "no". For anything.

Early this morning, as we lay next to each other, my mind was drawn back twelve years to the night before our wedding. Those were the same eyes. That was the same smile. And I realized--not for the first time--that I wouldn't trade a single moment, from that day to this, for all the fame, women, or gold in the world.

And to my wife, Amanda: Thank you, baby, for making me the richest man on earth. I love you. Always.